Once again maybe you thought I was fuckin gone and shit. WRONG, I been trying to level up. Basically some real bad shit happened, namely I was at the pub too long and some Bitchwench cast Amnesia on me so I'm back on lvl 26.
So long story short you know how sometimes you have to go back to like that area right around town and kill a billion kobolds/wild boars/what have you to get XP and some gold? That's where I fuckin went.
In any event, I should hit lvl 27 in a few days and this time I wont fuck shit up.
PS: NO I can't just drink some goddamn restoration potion, I don't have the fucking money for that.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/150
INT: 18
DEX: 16
WIS: 17
CON: 10
CHA: 7
XP: 210,387
HP: 194/194
MP:100/100
AC: 80
Gold: 389
Monday, May 3, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
Trip to the Healin Temple
Now you may have been thinking, what happened to this awesome fighter? Was I killed in battle after the last update? Naw bitches. That shit dont happen. I was layin low. Makin plans. Polishin my armor. Rubbin down my sword.
Really though, I got for REAL sick and my Constitution dropped down to 5 and I had to go see the big priest down at the school of healing. Historically they are total assholes to me because I have low charisma compared to them and they see how fucking awesome I am.
See, I have this cursed amulet that sometimes spontaneously casts spells of Intensive-Dickery where I show them up with my KNOWLEDGE (it's like +5 wisdom, -5 charisma, and I cant seem to get it off since I cant get it uncursed), so anyway, usually they get really mad at me.
Anyway, I was so sick my max HP was something like 210 and I dragged myself over there. when I got there the dudes gave me a level 10000 potion of cure mortal wounds, in human terms the word is INTRAVENOUS MORPHINE. Booyah, bitches! Anyway, my constitution went up a little bit and they sent me home with 30 potions of cure critical wounds (which can cause Confusion and mild Poisoning, but are really fun to fucking take). So anyway, those potions are the shit and I think they have some powers I'm not even aware of yet because whenever I take them they seem to rebuff all of Mo-Thars spells of Intensive Nagging like nothing else.
That's what's up for now... my stats are back in order and I'm just chillin, waiting for the undiagnosed sickness to fully disappear and for this new poisoning to wear off, and meanwhile, I'm pretty damn satisfied.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 28 Warrior
STR: 18/150
INT: 18
DEX: 16
WIS: 17
CON: 10
CHA: 7
XP: 390,594
HP: 210/210
MP: 110/110
AC: 80
Gold: 34
Poisoned
Confused
Really though, I got for REAL sick and my Constitution dropped down to 5 and I had to go see the big priest down at the school of healing. Historically they are total assholes to me because I have low charisma compared to them and they see how fucking awesome I am.
See, I have this cursed amulet that sometimes spontaneously casts spells of Intensive-Dickery where I show them up with my KNOWLEDGE (it's like +5 wisdom, -5 charisma, and I cant seem to get it off since I cant get it uncursed), so anyway, usually they get really mad at me.
Anyway, I was so sick my max HP was something like 210 and I dragged myself over there. when I got there the dudes gave me a level 10000 potion of cure mortal wounds, in human terms the word is INTRAVENOUS MORPHINE. Booyah, bitches! Anyway, my constitution went up a little bit and they sent me home with 30 potions of cure critical wounds (which can cause Confusion and mild Poisoning, but are really fun to fucking take). So anyway, those potions are the shit and I think they have some powers I'm not even aware of yet because whenever I take them they seem to rebuff all of Mo-Thars spells of Intensive Nagging like nothing else.
That's what's up for now... my stats are back in order and I'm just chillin, waiting for the undiagnosed sickness to fully disappear and for this new poisoning to wear off, and meanwhile, I'm pretty damn satisfied.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 28 Warrior
STR: 18/150
INT: 18
DEX: 16
WIS: 17
CON: 10
CHA: 7
XP: 390,594
HP: 210/210
MP: 110/110
AC: 80
Gold: 34
Poisoned
Confused
Friday, February 5, 2010
In regards to the Trip West
Most of what happened in the West I cannot reveal as I was sworn into secrecy. I can tell you, however, that I got laid (YEAH) and obviously leveled up.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 28 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 15
DEX: 17
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 14
XP: 375,594
HP:610/610
MP: 110/110
AC: 80
Gold: 376
+1 GAY
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 28 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 15
DEX: 17
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 14
XP: 375,594
HP:610/610
MP: 110/110
AC: 80
Gold: 376
+1 GAY
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Journey West
I wake up refreshed. That hasn't happened in a long fucking time. This town is feeling too small for a Lvl 26 warrior such as myself though. I decide that it's time to level up and to do so I shall have to journey to far lands.
West seems like a good choice because I figure me and the rogue can tag team some bosses. My dragon is a piece of shit and definitely can't make it a day's journey so I find a bigger ride. The trip is long but I am happy.
I arrive in the city and it is one of the biggest I have ever seen. Definitely bigger than Orgrimmar and that is 5x bigger than where I usually stay. We drift off the main drag and head south an hour's ride until we reach a cave. He gets a fire going and we start planning our plans and scheming our schemes and I am pleased because I figured PvP mode would never feel safe again and it kind of does now.
Nothing battle-relevant happens and I stay up late making my armor really fucking shiny so I can blind some bitches the next day. Feels good y'all.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/170
INT: 15
DEX: 14
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 12
XP: 370,594
HP: 570/570
MP: 110/110
AC: 68
Gold: 76
+5 GAY
West seems like a good choice because I figure me and the rogue can tag team some bosses. My dragon is a piece of shit and definitely can't make it a day's journey so I find a bigger ride. The trip is long but I am happy.
I arrive in the city and it is one of the biggest I have ever seen. Definitely bigger than Orgrimmar and that is 5x bigger than where I usually stay. We drift off the main drag and head south an hour's ride until we reach a cave. He gets a fire going and we start planning our plans and scheming our schemes and I am pleased because I figured PvP mode would never feel safe again and it kind of does now.
Nothing battle-relevant happens and I stay up late making my armor really fucking shiny so I can blind some bitches the next day. Feels good y'all.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/170
INT: 15
DEX: 14
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 12
XP: 370,594
HP: 570/570
MP: 110/110
AC: 68
Gold: 76
+5 GAY
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Quest: Anger Management
Yesterday was confusing and shitty and I wake up this morning and realize that my HP has not recovered as expected over the night like it was supposed to and my armor is (obviously) still damaged from last night's nasty experience.
I head into the center of town and go through some advanced training exercises during the day to gain XP but my heart is not really there and halfway through it I discover cat poop on my armor (which would -2 Charisma but I don't have much in the way of Charisma left).
My barbaric disposition gets me into trouble in some boringass discussion when I try to cast Lvl 5 STFU because warriors don't give a royal shit what the difference between Objectives and Goals are in reference to Social Welfare Policy Formation II because warriors shit all over your Policy.
I somehow fail at the cast and the training master immediately casts Lvl ∞ Nerd Rage and everyone in the training sesh starts to bleed out of their ears. I fire an arrow of apathy and it hits the master in her stupid face and she shuts the fuck up just long enough for the paladin next to me to attack with his sword of Infinite Circular Reasoning which is just about the only thing that a training master responds to. He keeps fighting until a time mage in our party finally thinks to use his wand of Class Bell (everyone knows time mages are worthless) and we leave the training master crying on the floor.
I am still hurtin from yesterday so I use a Scroll of Telepathy and communicate my desperate situation to a rogue who lives a day's journey west. He heals me immensely even over that distance and I wonder at what cost this must come to him. I sleep soundly for the first time in a while.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/170
INT: 15
DEX: 14
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 12
XP: 370,384
HP: 450/570
MP: 110/110
AC: 60
Gold: 108
+5 GAY
I head into the center of town and go through some advanced training exercises during the day to gain XP but my heart is not really there and halfway through it I discover cat poop on my armor (which would -2 Charisma but I don't have much in the way of Charisma left).
My barbaric disposition gets me into trouble in some boringass discussion when I try to cast Lvl 5 STFU because warriors don't give a royal shit what the difference between Objectives and Goals are in reference to Social Welfare Policy Formation II because warriors shit all over your Policy.
I somehow fail at the cast and the training master immediately casts Lvl ∞ Nerd Rage and everyone in the training sesh starts to bleed out of their ears. I fire an arrow of apathy and it hits the master in her stupid face and she shuts the fuck up just long enough for the paladin next to me to attack with his sword of Infinite Circular Reasoning which is just about the only thing that a training master responds to. He keeps fighting until a time mage in our party finally thinks to use his wand of Class Bell (everyone knows time mages are worthless) and we leave the training master crying on the floor.
I am still hurtin from yesterday so I use a Scroll of Telepathy and communicate my desperate situation to a rogue who lives a day's journey west. He heals me immensely even over that distance and I wonder at what cost this must come to him. I sleep soundly for the first time in a while.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/170
INT: 15
DEX: 14
WIS: 12
CON: 18
CHA: 12
XP: 370,384
HP: 450/570
MP: 110/110
AC: 60
Gold: 108
+5 GAY
Monday, January 18, 2010
PvP mode
I go to meet a member of my party this Lvl 50 Barbarian at the alehouse so he can cheer me the fuck up, said party member has an excellent reputation for bringing cheer. It has been a day of total failure so I am wearing my Lands End Boots/Sports Bra/Shitty Hoodie/Yesterday's pants (- 5 everything, + 10 gayness). The only cool thing I am wearing is my unique Amulet of Bullshit Detection which I totally forget that I have on.
I guess I need to preface this part with a disclaimer. I'm pretty gay but I do make exceptions. So ANYWAY.
I arrive on my dragon mount and enter the alehouse. I order some shitty ale and buy him a pint. I forget we are in PvP mode so I am pretty fucking shocked when he casts Spell of the Infinite: Let's Just Be Friends on me. The spell makes me bleed out of all my face holes and then chew my hands off. I am blinded by blood but I sense that he is laughing at least on the inside. He quaffs a potion to regain mana then starts casting But I Really DO Want To Be Friends over and over again. Thank fuck I am wearing my amulet, right?
For once my dragon mount has his shit together and when I crawl out there on the stumps of my arms he is ready to go. We head back to the inn and I quaff a potion of Cure Critical Wounds which is really just some old Ambien I had saved because part of me knew this would happen. I play WoW until the screen turns into a melty waterfall.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/130
INT: 13
DEX: 7
WIS: 7
CON: 7
CHA: 1
XP: 320,928
HP: 255/570
MP: 40/110
AC: 50
Gold: 108
+10 GAY
I guess I need to preface this part with a disclaimer. I'm pretty gay but I do make exceptions. So ANYWAY.
I arrive on my dragon mount and enter the alehouse. I order some shitty ale and buy him a pint. I forget we are in PvP mode so I am pretty fucking shocked when he casts Spell of the Infinite: Let's Just Be Friends on me. The spell makes me bleed out of all my face holes and then chew my hands off. I am blinded by blood but I sense that he is laughing at least on the inside. He quaffs a potion to regain mana then starts casting But I Really DO Want To Be Friends over and over again. Thank fuck I am wearing my amulet, right?
For once my dragon mount has his shit together and when I crawl out there on the stumps of my arms he is ready to go. We head back to the inn and I quaff a potion of Cure Critical Wounds which is really just some old Ambien I had saved because part of me knew this would happen. I play WoW until the screen turns into a melty waterfall.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/130
INT: 13
DEX: 7
WIS: 7
CON: 7
CHA: 1
XP: 320,928
HP: 255/570
MP: 40/110
AC: 50
Gold: 108
+10 GAY
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Quest: Laundry
It is the weekend and I try to get out of bed to get shit done but I think during the night a succubus appeared and cast Lifeless Corpse on me and so I have to wait until the sun sets to regain my stamina and actually leave the inn.
I equip myself with Sunday Pants and Shitty Hoodie (-2 Charisma) so I can take my armor to the blacksmith for some repairs. I locate my dragon mount, Stanley, in the stable and discover that he is hungry and but I am low on gold so I smack that bitch across the face with the flat side of my sword and we head out.
I get to Mo'Thaar's in time to collect some rations of food but for some reason she casts Lvl 20 No Seconds on me and piles a Implications:Fat spell on top of that and it's another -2 Charisma AND -5 dexterity. This in turn negatively affects my constitution so I rest for 10,000 turns to try to regain some semblance of my past self.
Nothing happens except my armor further degenerates and one of Mo'Thaar's minions Stella detects my presence and takes a shit too close to my resting spot and I die a little bit inside.
I try in my severely weakened state to complete my armor repairs but my willpower is gone to hell and in an act of desperation I decide drink several tankards of mead hoping that this will somehow restore my Charisma at least temporarily. I put on my Boots of Lying (+3 Stealth, +3 Intelligence) sneak into the larder and grab some booze but Mo'Thaar has heightened senses and detects my mead intake almost instantly. She casts her fav, Lvl 50 Guilt Trip, I fail to resist in my current state and I am decimated. My lifeless corpse smashes into the wall and leaves streaks of blood when it slams into the floor. Stella starts eating my hand. I reincarnate less two fingers, I leave my armor on the floor, mead on the table and book it back to my dragon mount and from there I search out a legit location to imbibe more mead and meet some fucking bar wenches.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 18
DEX: 12
WIS: 12
CON: 12
CHA: 6
XP: 320,928
HP: 1/570
MP: 0/110
AC: 55
Gold: 108
+3 STE
I equip myself with Sunday Pants and Shitty Hoodie (-2 Charisma) so I can take my armor to the blacksmith for some repairs. I locate my dragon mount, Stanley, in the stable and discover that he is hungry and but I am low on gold so I smack that bitch across the face with the flat side of my sword and we head out.
I get to Mo'Thaar's in time to collect some rations of food but for some reason she casts Lvl 20 No Seconds on me and piles a Implications:Fat spell on top of that and it's another -2 Charisma AND -5 dexterity. This in turn negatively affects my constitution so I rest for 10,000 turns to try to regain some semblance of my past self.
Nothing happens except my armor further degenerates and one of Mo'Thaar's minions Stella detects my presence and takes a shit too close to my resting spot and I die a little bit inside.
I try in my severely weakened state to complete my armor repairs but my willpower is gone to hell and in an act of desperation I decide drink several tankards of mead hoping that this will somehow restore my Charisma at least temporarily. I put on my Boots of Lying (+3 Stealth, +3 Intelligence) sneak into the larder and grab some booze but Mo'Thaar has heightened senses and detects my mead intake almost instantly. She casts her fav, Lvl 50 Guilt Trip, I fail to resist in my current state and I am decimated. My lifeless corpse smashes into the wall and leaves streaks of blood when it slams into the floor. Stella starts eating my hand. I reincarnate less two fingers, I leave my armor on the floor, mead on the table and book it back to my dragon mount and from there I search out a legit location to imbibe more mead and meet some fucking bar wenches.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 18
DEX: 12
WIS: 12
CON: 12
CHA: 6
XP: 320,928
HP: 1/570
MP: 0/110
AC: 55
Gold: 108
+3 STE
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Quest: Flu shots
I go with Mo'thaar to collect Potions of Invincibility and get some rations of food.
The potions are total bullshit but Mo'thaar casts Lvl 1000 Mom-Rage and my capacity for decision making is blasted into a fine mist.
We get into the dungeon and I cast Lvl 7 Grocery Store Swagger which is kind of risky but I roll and I take down a couple flesh golems in the soup aisle. It's great until I hit a oil trap and my pants almost fall down but I have a good saving throw and everything is cool.
We make quick progress until this lard demon teleports in front of us and hits Mo'Thaar with a wand of Chronic Indecisiveness and since I am not a goddamn priest class there isn't much I can do except leave her there and hunt for mangoes in the other aisle. The lard demon plows over Mo'Thaar with the cart but Mo'Thaar eats a Mushroom of Emergency and recovers 250 HP, but she also starts hallucinating heavily.
I leave her there again and go off on this individual mini quest to fight Grocery Store Boyfriend who is essentially this dude that tried to mack on me two years ago in the same dungeon when I was on the same dumbass quest but I knew he had cast a Lvl 10 Cloak of Bullshit around himself to hide his Fail Armor and I returned fire with my Sword of Gayness so he fucking retreated real fast.
This time he sees me coming and tries to cast No Homo but I'm ready for it wearing my Lands End Boots/Carharts/Sports Bra combo and they shine with a light so bright and so fucking gay that he tears his own eyes out immediately.
Anyway so we locate Faarm'cyst at the back guarding the invincibility potions and a quick check tells me he's got 1,000,000 HP and we are straight fucked. I try to retreat but Mo'Thaar expends the rest of her mana casting Lvl 50 Guilt Trip which effectively traps us there AND incapacitates her. Faarm'cyst hits her with two poison darts almost immediately and she is down for the count. I try to cast Lvl 5 Retroviral Allergy but that apparently doesn't exist and he hits me with the darts too. My stamina decreases by 80% and my gauntlets of fire are blasted all to fuck. He is about to finish us off when some other players show up apparently looking for the same bullshit potions and he starts fighting them. I read a Scroll of Recall and teleport us the fuck back to our dragon mounts and we roll out. Quest was total fail except I reamed GSBoyfriend again.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 15
DEX: 17
WIS: 12
CON: 12
CHA: 12
XP: 320,409
HP: 109/570
MP: 0/110
AC: 58
Gold: 108
POISONED
The potions are total bullshit but Mo'thaar casts Lvl 1000 Mom-Rage and my capacity for decision making is blasted into a fine mist.
We get into the dungeon and I cast Lvl 7 Grocery Store Swagger which is kind of risky but I roll and I take down a couple flesh golems in the soup aisle. It's great until I hit a oil trap and my pants almost fall down but I have a good saving throw and everything is cool.
We make quick progress until this lard demon teleports in front of us and hits Mo'Thaar with a wand of Chronic Indecisiveness and since I am not a goddamn priest class there isn't much I can do except leave her there and hunt for mangoes in the other aisle. The lard demon plows over Mo'Thaar with the cart but Mo'Thaar eats a Mushroom of Emergency and recovers 250 HP, but she also starts hallucinating heavily.
I leave her there again and go off on this individual mini quest to fight Grocery Store Boyfriend who is essentially this dude that tried to mack on me two years ago in the same dungeon when I was on the same dumbass quest but I knew he had cast a Lvl 10 Cloak of Bullshit around himself to hide his Fail Armor and I returned fire with my Sword of Gayness so he fucking retreated real fast.
This time he sees me coming and tries to cast No Homo but I'm ready for it wearing my Lands End Boots/Carharts/Sports Bra combo and they shine with a light so bright and so fucking gay that he tears his own eyes out immediately.
Anyway so we locate Faarm'cyst at the back guarding the invincibility potions and a quick check tells me he's got 1,000,000 HP and we are straight fucked. I try to retreat but Mo'Thaar expends the rest of her mana casting Lvl 50 Guilt Trip which effectively traps us there AND incapacitates her. Faarm'cyst hits her with two poison darts almost immediately and she is down for the count. I try to cast Lvl 5 Retroviral Allergy but that apparently doesn't exist and he hits me with the darts too. My stamina decreases by 80% and my gauntlets of fire are blasted all to fuck. He is about to finish us off when some other players show up apparently looking for the same bullshit potions and he starts fighting them. I read a Scroll of Recall and teleport us the fuck back to our dragon mounts and we roll out. Quest was total fail except I reamed GSBoyfriend again.
End-of-the-Day Stats:
Sharkslam, Lvl 26 Warrior
STR: 18/180
INT: 15
DEX: 17
WIS: 12
CON: 12
CHA: 12
XP: 320,409
HP: 109/570
MP: 0/110
AC: 58
Gold: 108
POISONED
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